DON’T CALL ME OR EMAIL ME

Dear Esteemed Private Equity Partners, Venture Capitalists, Family Office Strategists, and Corporate Development Aficionados,

This is a light-hearted yet heartfelt plea from those of us on the other side of the deal table:

Please, for the love of EBITDA multiples, answer your emails.

We already run the gauntlet of spam filters, gatekeeping receptionists, Jedi-level executive assistants, and corporate switchboards where listed extensions are apparently classified as national security secrets. After all that, when a real live M&A mandate actually manages to land in your inbox or voicemail, surely it deserves at least a “thanks, but not for us” rather than eternal silence?

We’re not asking for a full diligence pack and term sheet on the spot—just a polite acknowledgement that the electrons carrying our carefully worded outreach did not die in vain.

Because here’s the thing: Who knows… that one email you almost ignored might have been your next platform investment, roll-up anchor, or billion-dollar exit story. Stranger things have happened (just look at SPACs).

So go ahead, use auto-responders, deploy email and phone triage, or train an AI intern to send canned replies. But at least send something. Silence may be golden, but a two-line “no thanks” is priceless.

In closing: every unanswered message is not just another notch on the “spam filter” belt—it might just be the deal you wish you hadn’t missed.

Respectfully (and with only a touch of sarcasm),

From All of Us Out Here Carrying the M&A Mandates